Nothing but love - Chapter 1 - Despair and Ecstasy

Nothing but love - Chapter 1 - Despair and Ecstasy

I'm alone now, we are alone now, me and my mothers corpse.
The cold walls breathe heavy white smoke and I feel dispair so beautiful that I stick my fingers into the wounds on her arm.
These are no feeling beeings, clearly they are not, those things that killed her.
They are called Angels but I have seen angels and they are not this cold hearted. Angels understand the true power of despair and happiness.
Yesterday, we came back from our meeting in the name of the true gods and hitched a ride on this traders vessel, he took us in for mother, doing the dance with him.
A cheap price, really.
Then today they came and searched the ship, two of those beasts that claim to have been human once.
Then mother betrayed us and I granted her the absolution she asked for, one last final ecstasy in death, just as she wanted it.
I bathe in her blood now, soon these... these Marines will come back.
Right now, I am caged, as if I was an animal and not them,
They are the Beasts that need to be caged.
No...
No they are less than Beasts, Beasts have feelings, these creatures are nothing to me. Abominations of War they are.
They take all the fun away from killing.
I don't want to be killed by one of them, I am not ready for it yet. I would like to ask mother for advice.
Why did you forsake me, holy one? Did our dancing never please you? Did we not rejoice in your brilliant light of pleasure?
I want to bathe in this sadness, like I bathe in her blood, it pains me, makes me feel alive.
Alive in these dead halls, with these dead walls that breathe dead air for the dead ship with it's dead crew.
That's what they are, they are dead or even worse of, than dead people.
I think dead people still feel pleasure and sorrow.

"SCHLICK SCHLICK"
I play with her flesh, it tastes so weirdly, not like the flesh of nonbelievers, mother was blessed.

"Thud, thud, thud..."
"Did you kill her?"
How I hate the sounds they make, when they communicate. I do not want to reply, it sickens me that this dead thing talks.
"Sir, the young one killed it's mother"
A second one dares to talk and these sicknesses of once humans call me 'it' I am human, I feel, I feel more than anyone else feels – so much more than they will ever feel. I did not kill her, I granted her peace and it pains me, oh Slaanesh it pains me so much it's beautiful. I want to bathe in it some more but I need to not die now. I alone know the history of our family.
I will not talk with them, they want to take me somewhere.
I will sleep on my mother now, they can go to hell, these corpse worshipping monsters.

Days pass...

"AAAAAAAAAAaaah"
That was not me screaming and it was not one of those abominations. Thats someone with anger, oh so beautiful anger in their heart.
"THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD"
The abominations run.
Has someone snuck onto this ship?
Oh I pray, my beloved queen has taken one of them into her embrace. They don't deserve it but it would be so nice, to have another sane beeing here with me.
Insane they called me, they are the insane are they not?
Cultist they called me, they pray to a corpse, do they not?
My gods are real.
My feelings are real.
I am human, they are not.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"hahahahahahahaha"
I join the laughter in the distance.
Someone enjoys the pleasure of our dear forever loving mother too. Someone on this ship kills abominations, kills the... the Marines, I feel the pleasure in the very air.
This feeling is so strong, stronger than anythig I know, it feels like a absolute truth.

Oh holy, trice blessed Slaanesh, I beg of you, bring this harbinger of pleasure to me and let me bathe in her feelings.
Let us indulge into love together.
It is a woman.
I've always prefered women, they feel more.
Their feelings are more pure.

Thinking back, it was always my favorite thing to do. To show the pure and untainted, the true embrace of our effeminate King.
I've always enjoyed women then, men are to simple, women put up more of a fight. They always enjoy it in the end and the fight, oh it makes it so much more...
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
I am brought back. The laughter is near now and I hear something go "fuuush"
I jump up and yell:
"Sister, here! I feel your pleasure, let me aid you!"
Foodsteps.
Human ones.
Oooooh the pleasure this soul brings with it is ectatic. It rips my heard appart and makes me jump happily such a sweet taste now.
I feel as if I've eaten.
I feel happy and joyfull.
I want to go with this follower of the true gods.

"WHOA"
I hear myself shout surprised and jump back from the fire that shot past me, like a torrent of death and brilliant destruction.
Beautiful destruction.
I hear the screams of agony, from one of the abominations, which must have been the target of this fire.
I love these screams, they make me even more happy. These screams that have been the most human thing, to ever come from one of those dead things.
I hear the foodsteps again and there she is.
Her hair is white, she is almost as tall as I am but she is certanly older, streaks of purple in her hair, show the blessing of our holy, forever praised god of everything that is good.
I join her laughter, then she tells me to:
"step back, I'll destroy these."
I hear a mighty roar, like a mighty warbeast had descended into my close viscinity.
Much more powerfull than those swords the abominations carried, prior to them, meeting their end at this one.
Oh how I love my newfound friend.
With a singe swing of the giant blade, she cut down the bars of the cage, it completly ignored the force fields and the generators crackled, beeing destroyed by the power, this one weapon carries within it.
I love my newfound friend and I love her weapon.
"Step behind me, we are on our way."
"where to?"
it is the first thing I said in what seems like forever. My voice is older, more grown up. How long have I been in captivity, doing nothing but pleasure myself? It must have been over 10 years.
The realisation of that, hits me just now as she answers:
"The kitchen, I'm incredibly hungry."
I laugh. Is she serious?

She was serious.
We find ourselfs in a storage of sorts. The few... more or less humans on this ship, probably needed food too. On our way here, she singlehandedly cut down dozens of abominations. She spared every human that did not attack her.
She spared me.
Now she eats and I watch her.
She wears armour of one of the nuns, that my mother used to tell me about, it's red and black with streaks of gold.
I like it, I am sure she loved the corpse god in a way, that these abominations on this ship could never understand or even try to grasp.
I like it more, that she has found a true god, one that loves her back.

[To be continued]